It was a beautiful Friday in July - 73 degrees and sunny, when I got the call. "Lyman, this is the owner of the Trail Blazers. Please report to my office, thanks."
There were butterflies in my stomach. Finally, at the age of 28, I would be named general manager of this team. Months of working to reinvigorate Neil Olshey's passion for acting have finally paid dividends! Shame it didn't happen before we threw a bunch of money away on Evan Turner and Allen Crabbe…
When I got to the office, sitting there was a short bald older man who was definitely not Paul Allen. "Hi, I'm Scott Kelly, the owner of the Trail Blazers. I think you know why you're here. With Neil's departure, we'd like to offer you the position of general manager!"
"Wow… I don't know what to say… But doesn't Paul Allen own the team?"
Scott laughed. "That's what they want you to believe, but now that you're one of us, I should tell you - Paul Allen is a puppet. None of these people who claim to own their teams actually own them - Mark Cuban? Figurehead. Jim Buss? Figurehead. Prokhorov? Oh man, don't even get me started on him… It's all a ruse to cover up our shadow economy. Virtual currency is what really drives the world economy."
"Y-You're joking right?"
"Accrue 50,000 virtual currency to purchase the team and maybe you'll find out. It is also what you'll be paid in, but rest assured, you will be very happy with the exchange rate. Now, I have Billy Knight on standby. Do you want the job?"
I perked up. "Yes, sir! I accept!"
"Terrific. Now.. I have certain expectations for this team. I'd like for us to make the playoffs."
"Done."
"We'll see. We should also be top 10 in attendance."
"That's a tough one, but we've always had good attendance in the past, so it should be doable."
"We've got too many small forwards on the roster. Get rid of one or two of them."
"Okay, that sounds easy enough."
"Finally, I think this is a team that should be able to win now. As such, we could use some veteran leadership. Acquire three guys with at least eight years NBA experience, please."
"What's the deadline for that?"
"You have until the playoffs. Do you think you'll be able to accomplish all of this?"
I stroked my chin. "I guarantee at least three of the four."
Scott nodded. "I'd like to see you accomplish them all. Aim high, Lyman. Now, I have a golf game to get to, but if you have any questions, just ask me or your assistant GM - oh yeah, you have to find one of those too. That will be all," he said, shaking my hand and slithering out of the room.
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I was surprised to see that the NBA would be expanding this year. Usually this is announced over a year in advance, and the teams are given draft picks, but this year they would have to make do with whoever they got in an expansion draft.
Being able to only protect eight players may be a drag for some teams, but I saw it as a way to potentially unclutter a bloated roster. I protected the guys who would start - Lillard, McCollum, Turner, Aminu and Ezeli, as well as Ed Davis. However, I didn't protect expensive swingman Allen Crabbe or center Mason Plumlee. Crabbe simply wasn't worth the money, while Plumlee didn't play defense and would be expensive to re-sign next season. Instead I protected draft busts Noah Vonleh and Meyers Leonard.
The Sonics took Plumlee off our hands but neither team bit on Crabbe. Oh well. Worth a shot. I then went to work on accomplishing the tasks set out by the "owner". After having been traded for a second rounder just a few weeks ago, rookie Jake Layman was once again dealt, this time to Utah, for a future second. Using our two free roster spots, I picked up JaVale McGee, who apparently didn't make the Warriors' roster, as well as Steve Blake, who I've lost track of how many stints he's had with the team.
The pre-season came and went - games were played apparently, but whatever, they don’t count. With our 15 man roster set, it is time for the regular season. First up, the Golden State Warriors. Oh no…
