Chapter Text
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Donatello POV
He sat there. Spinning in his chair unable to work on his tech, he watched the flowers the flowers on the table with a scowl as if they were about to come alive and attack him, it wasn’t as if the flowers were horrific, he had seen some horrific plants *cough snakeweed*.
No, the bouquet was gorgeous, long purple snapdragons ranging in hues from dark magenta to periwinkle and they were surrounded by alliums, and his favorite, 2 voluminous pieces of lavender, that surprisingly weren’t overpowering to his sensitive nose, and breaking up the purple was pure white baby’s breath and it was wrapped together in a brown paper and tied together with a purple ribbon. He stared at the bouquet because the beauty was alien to him, so was the feeling he got when he looked at it.
Well, maybe not so alien.
The uncomfortable feeling of twisting in his stomach and heat creeping along his ears and cheeks, was the same thing he felt whenever he was with the Jones boy lately.
Whenever he caught himself staring at the gap-toothed smile that he suddenly started to want to see, and suddenly you could confuse him for a warm-blooded mammal.
Or whenever he saw the way Casey’s eyes would light up when the boy realized he had came to watch him play hockey, he would have to hide in raptors of the meet, but the way his light splash freckles would flush and the way his smile would practically reach his ear when he found out he, Donnie had watched, made it all worth it when he was sneaking under the waterfall, trying to be quiet, since he snuck out.
Even when he got a few colds from it.
He found himself genuinely entranced whenever he was in a conversation with the cave mouth as well, trying to put out his best jokes, even if he knew they would fail when he stuttered or repeated over half the joke, or just plain forgot the words to a part of it.
But even then.
It was always worth it when more often than not the boy would laugh, laugh the sweet chuckle that made Donnie tear the ends of mask tails from the rest of his mask. Leaving him to sew them back together, at the just perfectly ripe hour of their nocturnal schedule, 9am. It frustrated him to no end. Especially since it would happen.
Repeatedly.
ERGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!
Why was he like this?
He wasn’t like this around Splinter, or his brothers, not April.
He stopped spinning and glared at the luscious and fully bloomed snapdragons, he wondered if the flowers were on purpose, obviously the dum-dum didn’t remember the conversation they had months ago. He means the only reason why he remembered the totally stupid conversation was because it got him into hybridization again.
Only reason.
“I mean I love the smell of jasmine, but they’re so impractical with bouquets and vases, but I love the look or snowdrops, their kind of like lily’s of the valley meshed with daisies, but they smell too light to do anything at all. But I like don't know that much about flowers!” Donnie rolled his eyes at the memory, he currently had a few small snowdrop plants growing under a lamp at the back of his lab that should smell strongly of jasmine, not to give to the boy at all, just to… Just to see if he could do it.
But no Donnie wasn’t that special, Casey had told him that it wasn’t a big deal, “just some random overflowing flowers from Angel’s window garden” and “just a completely friendly normal thank you for, you know helping me fix my truck” but it didn’t really make sense, the garden wasn’t big enough for all these different types of flowers, but he did say it was overflowing, but even so there would be no flowers left, but maybe– why does he care.
He doesn’t want to care this much.
You know what.
He doesn't.
He didn't care about the boy’s crestfallen face when he didn’t say thank you, and idiotically shut the door in the boy's face.
He dug his thumbs painfully into his eyelids. As a familiar uncomfortable blush crept along his cheeks at the thought of Casey smiling as if he actually had been kind.
…
Mikey always was the most emotionally intelligent.
Though he would never admit that to his face, maybe his brother could help him finally understand why he felt this way about Jones all of the sudden.
And how to stop it.
He stood, the chair rolling away as he grabbed he carefully trimmed bouquet, and clutched it to his chest as he ran to Mikey’s messy room, the flowers smelt of delicious lavender, it reminded him of Casey, he remembered when he used smell awful of something April called Axe, but ever since they Casey and April had become better friends, Casey had started to smell of lavender, the thought that maybe Casey had switched when the unconfirmed relationship of Casey and April began made his heart drop. He banged on the door.
That made him feel like sh*t, he thought he finally didn’t have any more romantic feelings for April.
“WHO IS IT!” his brother yelled from behind the thick door.
“Michael. Can we talk? I really need help with something.”
The lock clicked, and the door swung open, revealing a confused Micheal.
“Bro, are you good? ” the turtle's eyes flicked to the flowers that were currently being clutched in a death grip by him.
He quickly closed the door behind them.
“I do not even know the answer to that, how do I not know ! I need to know what is happening to me, because it is making me feel almost ill”
“Woah dude if your sick or something, you should definitely go to Leo, I am no medic”
“No no not like that, not like that at all Mikey, and I can assure you, I would never go to you for medical advice,” he walked over to Mikey’s bed, careful not to step on anything, lest it be an art piece.
Mikey jumped into the hammock that hung above it, he didn’t even know why they still made him keep the bed in his room, he never used it.
“Well Donnie. Then what is it like?”
“It's about Jones.” he tried to say the name like it left a distaste in his mouth, though the name made his cheeks warm as he continued to breathe in the lavender.
GOD. This felt disgusting. Casey wasn’t like asking for him to be thought about.
“Yea. And what about him, oh no are you two fighting. Again. You were being so friendly too. Wait then what’re-are those for Ap-then wh-then whab’out Case- You know what. Explain. ”
He really really didn’t love his brother’s visible trains of thoughts.
“No no no, quite the opposite of fighting really!”
“Wait –his brother’s eyes flashed down to the bouquet– are you two finally!!” He sat upright in his hammock too quickly, falling to the floor “OMEGOSH this is sooo exciting!!” his little brother recovered extremely quickly and was squealing with joy, jumping up and down, confusing his own emotions even more, finally what?
“Mikey wha-what do you mean”
His brother stilled, both of them studying each other in the silence for a few seconds before Mikey took the silence as an offer for a seat on his own bed. He scooted over to give him some room, and proceeded to flop back in emotional exhaustion as his long legs dangled off the bed, Mikey sat in a criss-cross position, head on his hand, with an elbow that dug into his knee.
Mikey broke the silence, “What did you think I meant dude?”
“I don’t know” he exasperated, tears welled up in his eyes, frustration leaked out from his brows ”I want to though, I need to.”
“Look I know you hate when I say this, but forget what I said, maybe we can circle back to it?” Who was he to tell what to forget and remember. “Fineeee” he rolled his teary eyes, tears slid down the sides of his face. He wiped them before they fell into his ears
“Okay what did you come in here to tell me about Casey.”
“I don’t even know, I jus-just I have these feelings that I get around him that I have never had, I don't even know if I like having them or not”
“What kind of feelings?”
“I don’t even know if they are feelings, but like I get really warm around him, and I stutter a lot. I get really excited to be around him and I want to constantly touch him, whether that be a hand on his shoulder or a hug, and like yeah we're not fighting now but like we're not supposed to be friends.”
“Wait, you don’t even think you guys are friends ?”
Should he?
“No?”
“You guys hang out all the time” Mikey brow furrowed, looking surprisingly deep in thought.
“We hang out all the time because we're not enemies, not because we are friends.”
“Have you ever thought this might be a crush?” Wha-w-why would he!??
“What no!?” He squeaked out
“Why not?” Mikey said surprisingly innocently.
“Because it's not-I ca-i can’t like boys–” frustration furrowed at his eyebrows
“And tell me why not”
“Because it isn't an option”
“Why isn't it an option”
“I don’t know, it just isn’t?”
“Sure it is, everything has an option, some have good and bad choices, others doesn’t matter which one you pick, but this is obviously the second one”
“But wouldn’t splin-”
“Dude why would you ever let Splinter anywhere near your love life”
“But it doesn’t make–”
“Its called being lgbtqia” sounding out all the letters lij-ib-te-i-kwa
He tilted his head in confusion.
“Gay Donnie ”
He heard about gay before, it was when he was on Reddit researching beta stage tests on things like his mutagen. He didn’t really know what it meant thou–
Thuds came to the door there heads turned quickly and synchronized, he quickly wiped his waterline to get rid of any coming tears, as Mikey walked over and opened the door, he heard soft murmurs, then Mikey asked,
“Heyo Donnie, Leo wants to join the conversation too, and yesssss he promises not to make fun of you under any circ*mstances”
“I don’t think he will keep that promise but okay whatever”
Mikey frowned as he ushered Leo in, he turned his head around again and met eyes with Leo who was handing him his favorite purple ceramic mug.
“Honey and Lavender”
God the smell was getting repetitive.
“I saw you from the kitchen when you were practically running to Mikey’s room, you looked really worried and stressed so I made you some tea” Leo continued, as he found his spot against the wall, that old man’s shell.
“Anyway -Mikey awkwardly trying to resume the conversation- I was just telling Dee what the LGBTQs were” he sat up straighter, suddenly slightly uncomfortable with the fact that Leo was there silently sipping his tea, staring at him. He placed his own cup on the nightstand that was crowded with empty pringles cans and paint water.
“I thought it was- he slowed his words- li-ji-be-teq—”
“Yea I was just sounding out the letters dummy”
“Fine whatever continue one what are the LGBTQs”
“Well I am one first off.” There was a small gasp from Leo before the brother looked down and began slightly chugging his tea, he returned his eyes to Mikey, who looked terrified, both of them flicking their eyes to Leo every few seconds as his brother continued
“I am pansexual meaning when I’m looking for a partner the gender doesn’t matter to me just as I like them as a person.” he thought about it, how many friends does he have? Has he dated anyone, how did he figure it out?!
“ Mikey have you been going to the surface?!!” his little brother jumped at his outburst.
“I mean?”
“Hamato Michelangelo!” Leo broke his silence.
Mikey winced harder than he normally would’ve at the full name?
“I’m sorry Leo please don’t hate me” that was worrying. Wait, what was going on?
“Mikey you know not supposed to meet humans for your safety” Mikey relaxed a little but remained uncomfortable, opening and closing his mouth as if he was trying to say something.
“Why would Leo hate you Mikey?”
“Ummm some people don’t like that I’m pan”
“That just the shortened term, correct -Mikey nodded- but how its got nothing to do with Leo?”
“Yeah well human don’t like a lot of stuff and… and well there also my gender identity” Well at least he finally knew of this from his many many psych podcasts.
“Yes what of it”
“Well umm I’m genderfluid” He searched his brain for the term
“Okay how do you wish to identify your identity, or pronouns with us” confusion spread across his little siblings face.
“How does he not know about the hom*os but know exactly what genderfluid!-he just raised his shoulder he didn't want to explain psych classes to Mikey at the moment, not when lavender was so thick in the air- weellll I could use bracelets for different pronouns I use the most often, I like Mikey most of the time, but when I'm like a girl I like Angie.”
“That is very you…” he leaned forward so his sibling could fill in the blank
They paused for a second.
“Mikey, he/they” he nodded his head and in his peripheral vision so did Leo before taking a sip of his tea, like he was trying to decide how to take down an enemy.”
“Anything to add Leo”
His brother look like he had been caught stealing, avoiding eye contact with both of his siblings.
“I-well-umm I think you know there are more than just genderfluid when it comes to the umm umbrella term trans.”
“That is why they would call it an umbrella term” he said rolling his eyes
“Well there are different identities like trans fem, like me” he practically whispered out the last part.
“Wait, I have a sister!” Mikey wrapped his arms around Leo who eyes widened at the impromptu hug, looked still very terrified. “Well-umm yes Mikey, glossing over this. There are many differ varieties and such identities and finding one that matches you can be difficult”.
“I am glad you are telling me all of this however I don’t get what being gay has anything thing to do with me and why I am uncomfortable around Casey, mainly because I don’t have a crush on him”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well this is not at all what I felt like when I had a crush on April.”
“What do mean Dee” Leo interjected
“Well these feelings I have around Casey are nothing at all like when I had a crush on April”
“Waiitttt -Mikey cheeks tried to push away from a smile?- Did you like want to kiss April when you like ‘had a crush’ on her.” Mikey finishing with air quotes.
“Ew n- “
Oh.
OH sh*t!
Leo reached over him placing their teas right next to each other, then looked at Mikey, and they both busted out laughing. They struggled to make sentences through the snorts and uncontrollable giggles. He just wanted to disappear, tears welled in his eyes.
“Im a f*ck- a short “language” came from his laughing sister- a f*cking idiot.” The laughing stopped as tears rolled down his cheeks and then there were hands stroking his shell.
“No, you’re not an idiot Dee, just oblivious and you just didn’t understand your emotions fully”
He started sobbing.
“I don’t want to like him, it’ll j-just be the same thing, except it’ll be real”
“What do mean Don”
“When April rejected my fake romantic feelings, it hurt so much- he sniffled- Now Casey will too but it’s going to hurt more because they’ll be real, an- and and I don’t think I- I can handle it Leo, I-I’ll shatter if he does it.”
“Hey don’t say that you never know”
“Who would want to love a freak like me”
“Hey hey none of that Dee, would you say that about Mikey.”
“N-no but I’m not like Mikey , I’m different , Mikey’s fun to be around, you’re interesting to talk to and can calm anyone down, and Raph is loyal and when he's not angry he very clearly expresses his emotions, I-I can't even understand my own emotions.”
“Hey hey no that doesn’t make you a freak”
“Here take a sip” he was handed the warm cup, smelling the strong lavender, he cried even louder, why the f*ck would Casey even want to be freidns with him, he disgusting. Why-why would he ever want Casey to be around him, if he cared about him he wouldn’t.
He felt arms wrap around him, gentle hands rubbing circles along his shell.
“Dee I really think you have a chance” Leo said, she just doesn’t f*cking get it.
“No I don’t Leo, don’t even f*cking try that bullsh*t, because you don’t get my brain.
It
Is
f*cked.
I don’t know how to f*cking live as a person, I don’t understand emotions, smells are always too strong, I can’t have certain foods just f*cking because, sometimes I stop speaking why, I don’t even f*cking know.”
“Your more than that that is what make you interesting its what makes you you, if someone loves you they will love all of you, and wont just stop because your brain likes to f*ck with you sometimes, just because youre different doesn’t make you or it wrong or unlovable” Leo told him.
“I-I am though, I really really am”
“I’m different too ” tears flooded his sister’s eyes, it annoyed him.
“No, your not Leo you're the perfect leader, you literally have no flaws”
“Sure I do I’ve fallen into so many traps and I'm absolutely terrified when I'm leading you guys.”
“You're young and you’re nickname is ‘fearless’ is your nickname for a reason, you don’t show said fear”
“There are still flaws and even so there are a million more terrible things about me.”
“Flaws don’t have excuses Leo” putting his head between his knees.
“Will you shut it Dee you’re awesome, your intelligent and super sharp witted and observant, awesome things in a partner and to be a person.”
No he wasn’t.
If he was, Casey would like him, and he wouldn’t be a freak.
He felt pressure along his back, and arms wrapped around his chest and waist. He cried harder, tears burning against his raw face.
Would it be different if he believed it?
There was a large thudding against the door. He heard whispers between Leo and Mikey, “Is that Raph I thought he was with you know who in his room” Them not saying his name didn’t stub the little that was left of his dignity at all nope nope nope, “I don't know he was at least” Mikey got up and opened the door and Raphael pushed past them to find him just wallowing disgustingly in his self hatred.
“Donnie what the f*ck I thou- why are you crying” concern reflected on his face before the anger that stayed came.
He wiped away his tears quickly, all three of his siblings knowing about his problems was too much, “Absolutely nothing Raph please continue”
“Did they yell at you what happened” Raphael then grabbed his hands to try to get him to look at him, he didn't.
“Please just continue on with what you were going to say I’ll tell you after” He saw Raph’s look of concern again before flicking his eyes flicking to Leo laid against his back, nodding to Raph, tickling his shell.
“I thought I you liked him back and I’m like totally so confused with this whole sitch, he’s not even talking to me so like what did you do?- his eyes flicking to the flowers.
“Liked who back?!”
Raph very over-dramatically dropped his jaw.
“You are seriously asking that question. Who do I think! The man who got you flowers has a crush on hmmm lemme think, obviously YOU !” Well. That’s something.
“No he doesn't”
“Yes the f*ck he does”
“Language”
“Leo I don't give a sh*t”
“You're a f*cking liar, they’re just a f*cking gift because his sister’s garden was to full and they were for when we worked on his car together.”
“You mean when you guys got so close to each other in the engine, you guys almost kissed, because I have had to listen about it for weeks! Yuck!”
He blushed furiously at the memory.
“Ughh, Casey’s still here ya know”
He stayed silent for a little bit processing the information.
“Really.”
“‘M not a f*ckin liar”
There was a soft pause where he processed what to do next.
Leo wiped his tears away gently while Mikey hugged him, softly churring against him. He stood up untangling himself from the mess of his siblings. And grabbed the bouquet.
~~~
He once again found himself clutching the purple bouquet to his chest as he ran to the kitchen where he found Casey eating one of Leo’s jasmine tea ice cream, suddenly he really didn’t want to do this, as he returned the wave and smile the boy gave him, he walked over to Casey, entranced by the clean fluffy waves and soft freckles on the boy’s cheeks, he set the bouquet on the table.
“Hey Don, how life been ya know any uhh any new tech, we should hang out and you can show me” there was a nervous smile across both of their faces, he scratched the back of his neck ‘the f*ck was he doing he obviously doesn’t like me’ Raph is probably just f*cking messing me. I should just leave.
“Yea that sounds nice. I'm sorry bout earlier I never really gave you a proper thank you for the very friendly flowers” Casey rolled his eyes, he grabbed the bottom of the shorter boy’s chin gently lifting it up, making eye contact, eye contact with the deep brown eyes, making his stomach want to die. Making him want to back out. But he kissed him, he had only expected to do a quick peck and get out of the kitchen as quickly as possible. But as soon as he did, Casey had grabbed his head, deepening the kiss, his mouth tasted sweet, he felt Casey smiling against his lips. He felt like he was floating, his face was so warm as his stomach tossed and turned as he ran his hands through the soft waves of jet black. He churred against Casey, he could feel the boy’s surprise. They broke the kiss, pressing their foreheads together as they giggled with each other. God so Casey did like him. A light chuckle came from him, his breath smelled of jasmine “You make turtle noises”. They looked at each other, he saw a smile that lit up the boy’s entire face.
And his world.
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